2015. augusztus 27., csütörtök


Broken to pieces, empty inside.
Soul full of darkness, can't see the light.
You took the the light, you stole my shine.
I'm left with nothing, you've taken what's mine.
Nowhere to turn, no money in my pocket.
No plane to catch, never felt so lonely.
Broken, torn, sinking in a rusty boat alone.
Left to rot, left to die.
I put my faith in you God.
Lead the way, shine your light.

2015. augusztus 20., csütörtök


I can't breathe,
I can't feel,
I'm lost,
I'm not here.
Unsure, confused,
What to do?
No clue.

Trapped, hands tied,
I'm numb, I'm blind.
Can't hear, can't speak,
The noise is to deafening.

Weak, no way out,
Trapped, doubt is all around.
I want to smile, I want to feel and I
want to love, but first my soul must heal.

2015. augusztus 6., csütörtök

I wonder...

Will you remember the sound of my voice when you're alone?
I wonder...
Will you remember the warm touch of my hands as they press ever so gently against your soft face?
I wonder...
Do you still feel my love surround you when no one is around?
I wonder...
Have they stolen an angel's soul with a heart of gold?
I wonder...
If I were to look into your eyes, would I still see them glow, would they smile?
I wonder...
Would you act like a stranger after all this time?
I wonder...
Am I still in your prayers, do I appear in your dreams?

All I can do is wonder, but no matter where you are, no matter how far, no matter how many miles you have to walk in the shoes they bought you, even if we have to climb the highest mountains, I'm yours and you're mine, they can't break our bond, take the love even if they try.

2015. július 29., szerda


I just laid there in complete silence.
Waiting for sunlight to meet my eyes so that I can see his face.
I waited all day, all night.
But he never came.
With emptiness came lonliness.
With silence came fear.
I just stared into space wishing he was here.
Now all I have is this empty bed and disturbing thoughts 
that won't disappear.

2015. április 9., csütörtök

CAC2014: Toxic (Part 8) [Last Part]

Isn't it funny how light illuminates the darkness? Darkness always gets defeated.
From that day on, there was nothing but light in my life. I started to focus on me. For the first time, I cared about what I needed instead of making other people feel good about themself. I wanted to be happy. I felt I deserved it after everything I've been through. At that point, I really didn't care about other people's problem because I felt that after all this time, nobody really cared about mine either. People would call because they wanted something, not to ask how I was. That hurt for a long time, but I realized that all I needed was me. If I know who I am, know what I deserve, love myself, then I can get through anything and everything.
I turned to the one who never leaves, who loves me: MUSIC. Then, I found him. My other half, who understood me, who wanted to know me, who cared about me, about who I really was and what I'm really about. An angel sent from heaven, sent to me by God. He saved and changed my life in every way possible. We lifted each other up. He became my best friend.

What have I learned? To always move forward and never look back. I've come far. I don't want to turn back now. The past is the past. That door is closed. I never want to open it, but it did make me who I am, it's a part of me. I am thankful, because I don't think I would be as strong as I am today. Now I know what I want and I am full of hope. I honestly believe that 2015 will be my year and I'm sure it will be full of surprises!

2015. április 2., csütörtök

CAC2014: Toxic (Part 7)

He did come back. I just couldn't take it anymore. But he made me weak with one touch, one kiss, one hug. We made love over and over again. We were filled with undying desire. He made me feel electric. Our hearts burned together as one, he needed me as much as I needed him. I loved him more than life, but if this is what true love is supposed to look like, then I would rather hang myself. I couldn't live with a broken heart..I'd die either way...

The day came when I said no. I had to do it for me. I needed to take back what belonged to me. I started with my soul that he stole. It got to the point where there was nothing he could say to make me feel better, to make me believe him or to keep hope alive. Every word felt like a slap on the face, every touch felt like a stab in the heart. It was toxic, addictive, he was my addiction, my drug, my angel who was the devil himself.

2015. március 26., csütörtök

CAC2014: Toxic (Part 6)

I needed to find a way out of the madness...

After several unsuccessful ....... attempts, I told God that I will put my faith in him if he gives me strength.
"God, give me one day. I want to be free. I want the shit out of my life, out of my system FOREVER! I want to say no without any regrets."

Ant then...that day came. I got rid of all the fake people from my life. It kind of felt like pressing the delete button. They were all gone. I just let everything go. I let all my frustration, anger, hate go. I started cleansing my mind, my body, my soul.

I let the sun rays shine through me. I felt the waves beneath my feet, I let them take me. I just lay in the sand..once I opened my eyes, I was a different person. I felt like I was born again, like God had finally shined his light. He saved my life...