2017. február 7., kedd

C.H.G (18) - A sister's love -

...And I still miss you every day, every hour, every second.
A part of me died when you were ripped from my hands.
I may have changed a little, you may have grown up too fast, but my 
love for you is eternal, true. NEVER question it's deepness, it's existence.

There are so many forms of love. Mine is the kind that is patient, doesn't ask 
for anything in return, it's honest, loyal, it doesn't judge.
I am not going to lie..it's been so hard.
Without you this house has been empty and cold. If walls could talk, they'd
tell you so many stories. How I cried myself to sleep, praying that you were safe
and sound, how I wished that one day you'd find your way home. 
I haven't let go of that thought, I haven't given up.
The law may not be on my side, but God is my witness. He sees what's wrong 
and right. 

Don't you worry my sunshine, there will come a day, there will come a time when 
we will leave all this mess behind. Just remember that you are powerful, beautiful,
irreplaceable. Hold your head high to the sky and pray. If you fail, try again and again
and again. I hold you close to my heart until we meet again.

I wish you a very Happy Birthday!

I love you dearly C.H.G 

2016. június 16., csütörtök

Raw Thoughts

I know what you're thinking...

Here she goes again with her words of depression, overemotional self..But here's the thing. All I can do is be honest. Do you know what I hate? Showing everything is okay and perfect when it's no where near to that. The world is a collection of people who lie. Who lie to others and themselves, who put on a show, a fake smile to survive. We've all done it.
Deep down everyone wants 4 things: to love, to be loved, to be happy and be accepted for who they are. 
Am I wrong?
Fight me on it all you want, but we are not robots. We are human beings who feel. Many have forgotten that. Most people rush and never stop for a moment to think about or rethink real values and the meaning of life. I have, still do. Maybe too much, too often, but I'm still clean, free of all the dirt this world throws. I don't let my skin, soul absorb it. 
I ask myself one question every day: Why am I here? Lord, why? I guess it's time for my voice to be heard. That's my blessing that I guess I haven't fought hard even for. Maybe it's time to stop trying to fool myself or let them bend me into what I'm not, but finally step out and wear the glow that I have always deserved...

2016. május 31., kedd

Fear Of Deceit

Thought I had finally found you,
My other half, who loves me truly,
Who would do anything,
Who I can give my all to,
But our paradise might be built on a lie.

Thought I wouldn't have to be afraid to open my heart again,
That you'd take care of it til the end.
Now I'm not so sure..

Uncertain about everything that surrounds us..

I'm falling though, more and more.
To the point of no return and it hurts.
I hate seeing you like this,
I see deep inside you.
You're not you.

Secrets are killing you, killing us.
Speak to me! Don't hold back.
Do you still love her?
Am I just convenient for the moment?
Is it her you really want?
What do you want from me?
Where do you want to be?
Am I a fool?
Are you just waiting for the storm to pass so you could run back?

I need to know!

If so, I'll make things you complicate easier.
I'll walk out that door, take all that was beautiful and slowly
let it all go...

2016. május 23., hétfő

Complicated Feelings Of A Troubled Soul

That feeling...

When you're looking someone in their face, but they still can't see you.

That ache...

When you're heart can't take any more pain and is close to breaking.

Those tears...

That roll down your face one after another, never ending, forever flowing waterfall
you can't control.

That silence...

When you're surrounded by people, but all is mute.
Sometimes I want to scream just so they know I'm there..breathing still,
alive still, that I still feel even though I feel completely invisible.


It's deadly. This kills more than anything else. You drown in your tears, never overcome
your fears because you have no one to share with, no one to listen.


Mine just broke. Don't know if I'll ever be the same.

Death of an angel...

Life is not a game. Play it wrong, you fail. This world is beyond me, I don't belong here.
Let me fly high, sleep peacefully until my soul is born again. I just want to be free...

2016. május 3., kedd

Kissed By The Devil

Your skin on mine.
It's the most beautiful thing I've seen in my life.
It was true, it was real, I know that much.
So how could you?
When we love each other deeply.
Or is this not love?
Are you the devil with an angel face?
How could you hurt me like that, say those things,
put your hands on me?
My wounds are now visible to the world.
The scars will never heal.
I've been kissed by the devil who fed me poison
and lived off my devotion.
You pierced my soul with your dagger of anger.
You shot me multiple times with your hurtful words.
Each word, one bullet.
I wish I was able to not remember, but I relive what you did
to me, how you treated me every day.

Wasn't I the only one who cared about the real you and what's inside?
I just wanted to love you.
Well maybe you're right, love isn't enough.
Love can't be enough in a cold world full of hate and betrayal.
I was always there though. I never left like all the others, but
all goes unnoticed, unappreciated. Same script, different cast.
The difference this time?
I know my worth. No, I'm not perfect. I may not be the smartest,
the fastest, the most confident, hard or the toughest, but my heart is pure.
I can love. I don't hate, I don't judge. I accept, I embrace, not reject.
This is who I am.

You asked me a long time ago if you deserve me or not.
My answer to that now is: NO, you don't.
We built castles in the sky and you destroyed our kingdom.
You kicked down all the doors, smashed every window.
I pick up the shards as they slice my skin and cut deeper and deeper.
I see our reflection, but it looks nothing like us.

I love you so fucking much. I do.
I want to believe we'll make it out alive, unharmed, but the truth is
you lost my trust. You killed us, you finished us,
but now we can rest in peace side by side, knowing that we tried.
We've been to hell and back, so maybe in heaven I'll be yours and you'll
be mine..

2016. április 21., csütörtök

H.I.M. (He Is Mine)

Why does it have to feel so good?
Why do we have to be so perfect?
Maybe if the flame didn't burn so bright, I wouldn't
miss you morning to night.
But it's growing, getting brighter, it burns me, it blinds me.
We're flying higher.

I need you, you complete me.
I can't stand it...
Can't stand being without you.
The lonliness, the silence..

Going crazy..
Holding it in my hand, waiting for that ring every morning.
Your voice..
It does something to me.
Nothing else matters when you speak.
Your tone soothes me, consoles me.

Your mind...
That smart mind of yours just turns me on every time.
I wanna know your deepest thoughts.
I wanna know it all.

I can't wait.
I wanna fall in your arms and stay there forever.
Can we?
We could just be.
I just need you near me.

I wanna touch your lips that I would never cease to kiss.
I want it.
I wanna kiss you there..gently, make you beg for more.
Throw our clothes on the floor.
I'm already naked around you.
You know me.
No secrets.
My soul is stripped.

They say love is blind, but I see clearly.
I see perfection, the beauty of us.
Dancing on the same wavelength,
our hearts beating to the same rhythm.
I guess this is how love should feel when it's meant to be...